ZombieDick
by Faith-o-saurus
Summary: Come and order your own today! Details inside.
1. Chapter 1

**Here is a little one-shot that is only advised if you are into extreme sexiness ;)**

**Also, half of the credit goes to Kryalla Orchid in the designing of our fabulous product.**

**Enjoy!**

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><p>Little Bobby sat in front of the television with his baby blue footy pajamas on and a soda in his hand; his babysitter was busy talking on the phone to her newest flame in the other room. He wasn't sure why his parents even bothered paying the girl.<p>

He had grabbed a pad of paper and pen from the kitchen drawer to contemplate gifts for Mother's Day. It was only a week away and he hadn't been able to think of one thing.

"_Hey you!_"

Bobby looked up at the screen from his pad of paper, his pen stalled halfway in the air, to where a tall half-mechanical man stood on the screen. "Me?"

"_Yes, you! Are you stuck in a rut, looking for a Mother's Day gift?"_

Bobby nodded at the screen.

_Cyborg appeared on the screen again, pointing toward the boy. "Well, do we have one for you!" _

_The screen turned to a picture of a wonderfully bare naked Dick – as in Richard, of course – on the screen, glittering in what seemed to be, sunlight. He was clad with a leaf covering his front in a very 'Adam and Eve' way. _

_Cyborg stood next to it, a hand on its shoulder, with a large smile on his face. "I present to you…ZombieDick 2.0! The new and improved version has an anti-virus to keep that nasty Starfire-virus out of it for maximum pleasure!" He winked. The screen turned to a turning, full view of the ZombieDick 2.0. _

_It went close up to the back of his neck, where two dial was placed. "Use these dials for your maximum pleasure! The top dial chooses the intensity of the ZombieDick 2.0's sex drive, and the lower one is to tune him to what you want and to what body part." _

_It turned him to the front, focusing on his face. "As you can see, it is detailed to the last mark! And the tongue is specially designed for different licking methods and twice as long as well!" The camera zoomed down his body. "Each muscle is as toned as the LiveDick, but much more sleek and smooth to the touch."_

_It moved down to his fingertips. "The fingertips are lined with a silk fabric for ultimate comfort when rubbing in any area of the body! If you twist ZombieDick 2.0's thumb once, it will automatically turn rough for those feistier ones out there." Cyborg showed up to wink._

_It then moved to the leaf. "We add in the leaf for protection of your ZombieDick 2.0 for storage, but it easily comes off with just a pluck of the hand!" The leaf disappeared. _

Bobby covered his eyes.

_Areas were highlighted on the ZombieDick 2.0's anatomy. "As you can see, he is quite endowed, so your satisfaction is guaranteed." An area on his inner thigh was highlighted, showing a small button. "Press this button for vibration if you're really in the mood." Cyborg appeared, wiggling his eyebrows._

_Another spot was highlighted on his hip. "This allows you to choose your pace for ZombieDick 2.0. You can make it go all the way up to 20! I'll tell you, that's some stamina right there."_

_Cyborg appeared on the screen again. "Now let's show a demonstration, shall we?"_

_A dirty-blonde haired girl appeared on the screen, her ZombieDick 2.0 positioned in front of her. She turned to set the dials, the camera closing up on her hands. _

_Sex Drive: 3_

_Body part: Feet_

_The girl went to lie down on her bed and put her feet up. ZombieDick 2.0 kneeled in front of her and began to make smooth rubbing motions with his hands, as well as sexy moans. The girl got up and went to flip the dial again on the back of her ZombieDick 2.0's neck. Once set, she began to strip, and the camera flipped back to Cyborg._

_He winked. "We'll leave them some privacy now." He pointed to the screen. "We'll give you this incredible investment – a $1,200 value – for only $830.95!" He smiled suggestively. "Yes, you heard that right. And if you call within the next five minutes, we'll throw in a bonus edible massage oil in Strawberry, ZombieDick2.0's favorite."_

_A number appeared below him. "Just call 555-Dick's4all to order yours now!"_

_The screen turned to a disclaimer, with a small picture in the upper right-hand corner of ZombieDick2.0 being 'modeled'. The full costs were shown up at the top 'Product:$830.95; Shipping and Handling: $130.28'. The number appeared at the bottom of the screen_

__An extremely rapid voice began to speak. **"**_**Do not use when pregnant, or with illegal drugs. If obsessive-compulsive behavior, extreme paranoia, or brooding occurs, please return your DickZombie2.0 right away for a reboot. If you are a criminal and/or have ever committed any form of crime, ZombieDick 2.0 may not be right for you."**_

Bobby stared at the screen, and then wasted no time to pick up the phone. "Mom's going to love this!"

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><p><strong>Oh yes, I went there. I have just ordered mine! I recommend you hurry and order now; they sell out pretty quickly!<strong>

**Anyway, Read and Review m'dears.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Yes. Another chapter. And one that all of the previous readers may not know, but the ones that do...I'm sure it's every girl's dream.**

**Enjoy.**

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><p>It was once again Mother's Day, and little Bobby had no idea what to get. His mother had tired of her ZombieDick, and he had planned to get attachments! But no, she no longer wanted to play. He sighed and grabbed the same pen and pad of paper he did this exact day one year ago, ready to think up some gifts.<p>

"_Hello there."_

Little Bobby jumped at the sudden sound; he had completely forgotten that he had the television on. On the screen was a young man with blond curls and piercing blue eyes. "Are…are you talking to me?"

_The man smiled, soon identified as 'Peeta Mellark: Victor and War Veteran' in the bottom left corner of the screen. "Of course you! Mother's Day has come once again, and I'm guessing that you have yet to find the perfect gift for that wonderful woman in your life? Your mother, of course." He winked._

Bobby sat up and smiled, nodding.

"_We're guessing you bought a ZombieDick last year, correct?" Peeta looked at the screen with pitying eyes._

"Yes!" Bobby's eyes lit up.

_Peeta nodded, his smile sweet as sugar. "Recently, we've noticed that we have been losing buyers. People just seem sick of our ZombieDick – surprisingly – so we have come up with a new invention!" He rubbed his hands together and stepped to the left, allowing the audience to see the absolutely wonderful vision to the right. "The new Zombie creation…ZombieFinnick!"_

_Peeta moved closer to the portrait of the golden god of a man, in nothing but the same net outfit he was forced into during the Tribute Parade in the 75__th__ Hunger Games. "We have also adorned him with a new and improved touch screen control pad, which we think keeps up with the times." _

"_Now, let's get to the details." He rubbed his hands together with a smirk._

Bobby thought he should close his eyes, but he was a year older now. He had to be a man and suck it up.

_There was a close-up on ZombieFinnick's face, showing off his bright sea green eyes and bronze hair. Peeta motioned toward the locks, running a couple of fingers through it. "Now, for the full real District 4 experience, we kept his hair nice and course from all that time in the ocean. None of that Capitol nonsense." Peeta scrunched his nose in distaste. _

"_Now, for the wonderful new touch screen control pad, right on the back of his neck! Perfectly positioned and easy to hide." He pushed a button in the form of a heart of the 'home' screen, where multiple options came up. He winked at the camera. "First, let's start with the body part options." There were different sections, one with upper body and another with lower body. Each section was full of many more, getting more detailed as you go. Peeta pushed the arm button on the screen. "Now, there are many things you can do with his arms." _

Bobby moved closer.

_Peeta motioned to different buttons, with positions that really shouldn't be allowed on television. "Now, the options go from PG to M in ratings. First, the massage setting." He pushed the button, then moved in front of the ZombieFinnick, who went on to give him a massage. "Brilliant!" He shrunk down to get out of the Zombie's arms, then moved back to the panel. "Now, at the very bottom is the 'Wacker', as we like to call it. I won't demonstrate that." He winked. _

_He went out of the upper body, and then clicked on the lower body. "Now, I know this is the one that you all REALLY wanted to see." Multiple images of different penis positions were shown._

Now Bobby really shouldn't be looking.

"_Each of these gives different effects to the…nether region of this finely sculpted figure." He clicked on one with small lines around it. The camera zoomed out to show the full ZombieFinnick. The object in question was vibrating underneath the net cover, almost moving it aside. "All the pleasure for the ladies right there! I should know; a certain someone seems to enjoy it…" He glanced to the side, muttering something about 'Katniss' and 'not enough stamina'. He shook his head and smiled back at the screen. _

_The camera is back on ZombieFinnick, put now closed in on his torso. "Now, it's no secret that the man has some rockin' abs. I mean, how else would he have gotten one of the most expensive gifts in an arena ever? Well, besides his face, that is." _

Bobby could practically hear the squeals of girls from around the world.

"_Now, for the different effects for this wonderful area." Peeta disappeared behind the ZombieFinnick, and soon his pecs were doing some form of 'dance', or so it seemed. Peeta came back and wiggled is eyebrows. "Now, put all of these things together, and you've created a sex god. Much like the real thing!" _

_Peeta cleared his throat before turning the Zombie off and allowing the lights to dim. "Now, realizing our mistake last time, we have created the Annie antivirus." He smiled with his hands clasped. "We're thinking ahead!"  
><em>

_The camera zoomed onto Peeta's face. "Call now, and you'll get a deal! Not only will you get a ZombieFinnick, but a complementary Quarter Quell tribute suit – easily shredded off – and a vibrating starfish with very LONG arms." Another well-placed wink. "All, for only $4,444.44!" _

_The screen turned white with small moving black letters being read very quickly. __**"If you are afraid of water, the ZombieFinnick may not be for you. The perfect positioning for the ZombieFinnick is near the sea – beach house is recommended. If you have oddly colored hair, or enjoy clown-like makeup, buying the ZombieFinnick is not advised."**_

Bobby smiled at the screen and dialed the number. "There's no way mom will get tired of this one!"

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><p><strong>Yes, this happened.<strong>

**Read and review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**This is dedicated to the all faithful fans of this story, as well as all you perverted Whovians out there. And of course to Kry, who helped me start this whole story to begin with.**

**Warning: Extreme arousal. Be cautious.**

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><p>Little Bobby, not so little anymore, is having difficulty with Mother's Day yet again. They had recently moved to England for his dad's work. She's already sick of her ZombieDick and ZombieFinnick! He thought they were rather good gifts.<p>

Expensive always means better, right?

Then again, they might have been hurting her. He always heard screaming from her room.

Before his thoughts got away, the television managed to catch his attention yet again.

"_Hey there, miss me?_"

Bobby turned around, curious and a little surprised.

"_Yes, you! Is your loved one sick of her Zombies already? Have you moved away, having your whole life change before you very eyes? Has she tossed them to the curve?_"

Bobby nodded emphatically.

"_Then do we have a product for you! Now introducing…"_

_The woman, much different than what Bobby was used to seeing on these infomercials with her red hair and somewhat lower-class British accent, threw her arms to the side._

"_ZOMBIEDOCTOR! You've never seen a product with so many advancements before!"_

Now Bobby was intrigued. Why did this Doctor seem so familiar? Maybe he had a gynecologist installment?

He was surprised by the tall, thin "man" on display.

"_Due to popularity, we shall use the tenth setting for our default." She seemed a bit repelled by the image, though a grin soon came back. "But fret not! If such a skinny bloke – with a complimentary coat that wouldn't fit a rat – doesn't tickle your fancy, there are plenty attachments to turn him to your liking!"_

_She moved over to a large metal table, full of what seemed to be masks disguised at faces. "13 different faces to fit your needs. Our eighth also seems quite popular," she explains as she pulls up one of the faces, a bit stubbly with wavy hair. "This one has two settings, pre-war and post!" She pushes a small button on the back of the mask and a clean-shaven posh looking version of the first mask appears._

"_But that's not all! We have various 'ages' to fulfill your every fantasy."_

Bobby is astonished when he sees everything from a white-haired wrinkly mask to a baby faced one that seemed to lack eyebrows.

"_Now, let us move on to settings." The woman moves back over to the product, turning around the body, displaying a large set of knobs and buttons. She pointed to the one farthest to the right. "This one here changes the body structure to your liking. One turn changes it to the first," the body changes drastically, in height and stature, "and then on for every other! Now, back to the tenth." The woman grimaces. _

_Once her smile is back in place, same as before, she moves on. "A new and improved personality setting has been added, as well! Would you like brooding and war-torn? Turn to the ninth!" She turns a knob. "Playful and energetic! Back to ten."_

_She moves back to the table quickly, picking up a small chip. "For the ninth and tenth, it is our opinion to use the Rose anti-virus chip." _

Bobby barely has time to blink before she back in front of the ZombieDoctor, grinning away.

"_Now, one of our most popular setting is the 'quirks'." She winks and moves closer to the camera, her voice lowering. "The tenth has quite the oral fixation." She hops back. "And let us not forget the 'Gallifrey Rises' setting! I think that speaks for itself." She winks again. "All this for only $1,453,340! Or, knock four times in the next .2348 seconds, and you will receive half off!"_

_She moves back to the knobs, turning one in the middle. "For the tenth setting exclusively, you can switch to 'human form'! Looking for warmth? One heart beat? Turn the knob! Also recommended to use the anti-Rose setting." _

_She then moves to a different, cloth covered table with miscellaneous items. "Never before have we had so many attachments! In love with Baker? Get our Fourth Doctor scarf-themed handcuffs!" She pulls forward a pair of handcuffs, covered in wool stripes of clashing colors. "And don't forget our variety of sonic screwdrivers! Different sized and colors, all vibrating." She waves a hand over the selection of red, blue, and green sleek silver appliances. "Our ZombieDoctor uses them well." She winks yet again. _

"_Call now and get this all for $203,357,395!" The screen blinks, counting down from 5. _

Bobby turns off the television. Should he really buy another? His mother tosses them aside so quickly…

Then again, he has nothing else to show for the holiday.

Bobby picks up the phone, dialing the number and orders his very own ZombieDoctor.

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><p><strong>Can ya'll guess who the salesman was? Everyone who does gets a cookie ;) Or maybe a ZombieDoctor half off.<strong>

**Hope you enjoyed!**


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